i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
