Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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