we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
