I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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