Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
