Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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