That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
