So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
