it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
