don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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