Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the day after is always just damage control
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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