Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
