you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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