Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
