im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
