Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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