how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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