Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
