He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
