i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
