this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
