Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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