so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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