i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
