I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish you could order shots online.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
