My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
