mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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