real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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