someone get that fucking seahorse.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
BRING THE BAGELS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
