Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
nutella sex= disaster
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
