If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's just like the Real World with babies
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
