i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
