Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
