Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found a bag of teeth...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
