end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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