can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he wants to bone in the snuggie
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
