What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
