It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
