He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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