I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
