He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
