Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
