I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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