we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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