I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
