why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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