she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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