Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
