he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
