Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
