6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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