Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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