She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
