Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
