No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
