Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
