And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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