I wish I only lived at night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
