i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
