She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
