and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
