my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
