R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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We need a shit load of segways right now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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