I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just blew my weed a kiss
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
