Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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