I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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