I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
