My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
