Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize