The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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