I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
