Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
