I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
