All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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