I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
